


The Impossible

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Series: The Impossible/Dream series by Mona Ramsey [1]
Category: The Sentinel, The X-Files
Genre: Angst, Crossovers: xfiles, Drama, M/M, Multiple Partners, crossovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-11-03
Updated: 1999-11-03
Packaged: 2017-12-11 02:28:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/792999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jim rejects him after a moment of crisis, Blair gives him some room - and meets a Federal Agent named Mulder. . .</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Impossible

## The Impossible

by Mona Ramsey

* * *

"The Impossible"  
by MonaR.  
monaram@yahoo.com 

He was standing there, gun drawn, a standoff. He was going to make his arrest, he was sure of it. Everything would be fine, Blair would be safe - 

A deafening noise sent his hearing into overdrive. He tuned it down. The initial pain dispersed as he realized just exactly what the noise was. 

The bomb. 

The bomb inside the warehouse. 

The warehouse where Blair was being held. 

His insides were turned to stone, even as his finger settled on the trigger of his gun. "Freeze." 

* * *

It wasn't until ten minutes later, suspect in handcuffs, fire department arriving at the scene, that Jim saw him. 

Blair was sitting in one of the ambulances, drinking some coffee. His face was covered with soot and dust, his clothing was dirty and torn in several places, his hair was matted - what do you expect after being held hostage for four days? To Jim, he was the most beautiful thing that he had ever seen. 

Simon stopped talking to him as soon as he saw the look on his face. Turning his head, he caught the gaze. "Jim - I thought you knew - we got Blair out - " 

But Jim was gone. 

He caught Blair in his arms, completely unaware. "Hey, big guy - " he started, laughing, but immediately sobered when he saw the way Jim was looking at him. "You're kind of squishing me," he said, quietly. 

Jim let go of him. He didn't ever want Blair to be hurt. He didn't ever want to hurt him. He didn't want anyone to hurt him. 

* * *

He was in a complete daze at the police station. People were congratulating Blair for getting out of his bonds and getting through the door just before the bomb exploded. He told his story several times. Jim heard none of it. He was trying to get through his paperwork as fast as humanly possible. So he could take Blair home and \- 

And what? The 'and' part was not coming clearly to him. He wanted to take Blair home. He wanted to take him home, and keep him close, and keep him safe, forever. Exactly how he was going to manage that, he wasn't sure. 

He knew that Blair was bi - he had found out unexpectedly a couple of months after they had moved in together. Blair was talking to a date on the phone, sexy, teasing. It wasn't until he said goodbye to 'Mark' that Jim realized he was talking to a guy. He took it in stride. It didn't affect their relationship in any way, so why not? He was straight, Blair wasn't, so no problem. 

Except this bombing was affecting him. It was becoming a problem. He found himself wanted to hold Blair, hug him, touch him.He didn't know where those thoughts were coming from, except - 

Except it seemed as though, without his knowing it, sometime over the last few months, he had fallen in love with Blair Sandburg. 

And he didn't know what the hell he was going to do about it. 

* * *

When they got back to the loft, it was after eleven. Blair was still hyper, not coming down from the adrenaline of the day. He needed a shower badly, so Jim let him go and clean up while he made them some food. He hoped that Blair wouldn't crash as soon as he dried himself off. They needed to talk. 

He come back out smelling of shampoo and soap. He was in loose jeans and a t-shirt, his hair still damp, grinning that Blair grin at him. His heart melted. 

"Hey, big guy, food, man, it smells great." He grabbed a sandwich off the plate Jim had put in the middle of the dining room table, and poured himself a cup of coffee. 

"Sorry we didn't have anything more substantial in the fridge. I've been a little busy lately." 

Blair grinned again. "Hey, you and me both. And compared to what I've been eating lately, this is heaven." His captor had only fed him three times in the last four days, and as meals they left something to be desired. Half a packet of cold chinese take-out, hard dry bread, tepid water. These sandwiches were James Ellison specials - something to be savoured. 

"Blair - " Jim realized that he didn't have a clue how to start. He didn't even really know what he wanted to say, much less how to say it. He just wanted to be near this man. He needed that to be enough. 

"Jim, thanks. I don't think I say it enough, but I really appreciate you coming after me. Simon told me how worried you were." 

"If it hadn't been for me, you wouldn't have been anywhere near that guy in the first place!" 

"Whoa, Jim, this is my job too, remember. We're partners. This sort of thing comes with the territory." 

"Well, it shouldn't! You shouldn't be putting yourself onthe line like that for me. It's getting too dangerous, Blair." 

"So you're telling me that you don't want me as a partner anymore? Great, this day is just getting better and better." 

"I'm not saying that, Blair. But when I thought you were dead, I nearly went crazy." 

"I'm fine, Jim. It all worked out fine, and it's over. No big deal." 

"It's huge deal! I don't want this to happen to you again. I don't want anything bad to happen to you." 

"You can't stop the world just for me, you know. Bad things happen all the time, it's a fact of life. Even if I wasn't involved with you and the police, I'd still be susceptible." 

"But I should have been able to protect you." Jim collapsed on the sofa, suddenly feeling more tired than he could ever remember. 

"You couldn't have known. Nobody could." Blair sat beside him and took one of his hands. "You're not psychic. I don't expect anything more from you than what you give me - to watch my back, and let me watch yours." He smiled again. "That's the rule, okay, partner?" He tried to pull his hand back, but Jim wouldn't let him go. "Jim?" 

"Blair, I - " The words wouldn't come. He didn't know how else to do this, so he kissed him. 

Blair's mind shut down. The kiss wasn't hesitant or confused- Jim was devouring his mouth. He had been in love with Jim for so long that he didn't even let himself ever hope that there could be something between them. He wrapped his arms tightly around Jim's neck and kissed him back. 

When they pulled apart, finally, they were both breathing heavily. Blair was prepared for the 'oh-my-god' look of someone who's just given in to an impulse they never even knew they had, but Jim was smiling at him. He allowed himself to smile back. 

"Bed?" Jim asked. 

He nodded his head. 

* * *

They tumbled into bed after helping each other remove their clothes. They fumbled together, nervous, laughing, stripping and flinging clothes wherever they might land. Jim pushed Blair on his back, kissing his mouth and stroking his body. He was gentle everywhere, and there was so much that Blair wanted, but he decided to let Jim lead the way, and let him do whatever he was comfortable with. 

It was easy and gentle - they stroked each other to climax, kissing and nibbling. They were both so tired they fell asleep in each other's arms. 

* * *

When Blair woke up the next morning, he was alone. He hadn't been disturbed by Jim getting up, and when he looked around the apartment, it was empty. There was no note anywhere. 

"He must have got an emergency call," he said to himself, stepping back into the shower. He tried the police station after he had dried himself and made some coffee. 

"Ellison." 

"Hey, big guy, why didn't you wake me?" 

"Blair." Jim's voice was tight, strained. Blair closed his eyes. He knew what was coming. 

"Yeah," he covered, "I wondered if you needed me to come in today and finish up the paperwork." 

"No," Jim's voice relaxed. "I'm almost done it myself. You just stay in and get some rest, Chief." 

"Okay. Uh, do you want me to make dinner?" 

"No, don't bother. I don't know how late I'm going to be here." Blair closed his eyes. "I might go out with some of the guys later." 

/Don't wait up/ Blair added to himself. Too brightly, he said, "Sure, whatever. I'll see you when I see you, I guess." 

"Yeah. Bye - Blair." 

He nodded his head as he hung the phone up. /I knew it. I was expecting it last night when he kissed me. So why did he have to wait until _after_ I touched him to have second thoughts?/ 

He groaned and pulled himself into a tight ball on the couch. Tears slipped down his face. 

/Now it's ruined. I love him, and he won't let himself loveme back. How can we ever go back to where we were?/ 

"But he started it. _He_ kissed _me_. Why are you doing this, Jim?" 

He knew why. Jim wanted it, but it was his first time. Hehadn't really thought about it. He hadn't thought about anything except being with Blair. And for last night, it was fine. 

But then, he had woken up, and it was cold, clear morning. He had a man in his arms, in his bed, and he panicked. It might be hard for him, but he could pretend. It was one night, it didn't mean anything, did it? 

Blair cried. 

* * *

Jim came in quietly, about 1 am. Blair was in his own bed. Jim could hear his even breathing. He let out a sigh. 

He climbed the stairs to his room. Blair turned over in his bed, burying his face in the pillow. 

* * *

The next morning, when Jim came down for breakfast, he found a half-pot of cooling coffee and a note taped to the fridge. 

"Jim - 

I guess the kidnapping affected me a little  
more than I realized. I need to get away for  
a while and think.  
Don't worry. 

Blair" 

"Damn," he whispered, as he crumpled the note in his hand. "Blair, I'm sorry." 

* * *

He had driven for about an hour and a half before he realized that he didn't really have any destination in mind. He'd packed for a regular trip away - a little of everything - and he was so used to going on the fly that he'd be okay, but still, he needed to figure out some sort of plan. 

He wasn't needed back in school for another three weeks. And if he'd decided, it was possible to transfer somewhere else. Somewhere away from Jim. 

They'd been spending less and less time on the Sentinel tests. Jim hadn't had a zone out in two months, now. He seemed to really be getting a handle on his abilities, and his confidence in himself had increased. At times, Blair had felt almost like just a bystander. If Jim didn't need him any more - 

He shook his head, pushing those thoughts away. He pulled over at a little roadside diner and went in to have some breakfast and decide where he was going. 

There was a rack of local tourist pamphlets and maps by the cash, so he grabbed a couple of different ones and looked them over while he was drinking his coffee. He ordered a western sandwich from the pretty waitress who gave him a bright smile. 

There were a few people in the place, from the looks of them regulars. They all called the waitress, cashier, and cook by first names. The only other person in the place who didn't seem to belong there was a man typing away with some effort at a laptop. He was seated by himself, by the far window. When he looked up, he looked straight at Blair. He had nice hazel eyes, and Blair colored slightly when he realized he was caught. The man grinned at him, then went back to his typing. 

He definitely didn't belong in the place. He was dressed in a two-piece suit, with the jacket off, slung on the back of his chair. He looked like a fed, to tell the truth. His cell phone rang shortly. 

"Mulder." 

Blair smiled at the waitress again as she brought over his breakfast. She carried another plate to the man by the window, and gave him a smile equally big. Blair shook his head, grinning. 

The food was good and hot and it actually made him feel better. When he was finished, he gathered up the pamphlets, still undecided. He walked back out to the Corvair. 

The man by the window came out directly after him. He dropped one of the folders he had been holding, besides his laptop case, and an armful of envelopes. Blair stooped to help him. 

"Thanks," the guy said. Coming this close to him, Blair could see that he really was attractive. Tall, lean, nice smile. 

"No problem." 

Blair was about to walk away, when the guy asked him a question. "You don't happen to know where Shelton is, do you?" 

Blair shook his head. "Sorry, I'm just passing through. You try one of the local maps they have?" 

"No, I didn't even notice them." 

"I've got one." Blair spread it out over the hood of his car. 

"Nice car," the guy said. 

Blair grinned. "It's seen better days, but it gets me there, so far." He held out his hand. "Blair Sandburg." 

The man took it. "Fox Mulder. People just call me Mulder, though," he added quickly. 

"Understood. I've just gotten used to Blair. It was tough when I was a kid, though." 

Mulder smiled. "I don't know. I like it." 

"Thanks." Blair turned back to the map. "I don't see any listing for Shelton. Are you sure it's around here?" 

"It's supposed to be, but, well, it's possible that it's so small it didn't make the map." 

"And you're going there on business?" 

He shook his head, turned to the truck next to Blair's car, unlocked the door and dumped his stuff in the back seat. "Officially, no," he said, over his shoulder. "Officially, I'm on vacation. Unofficially, I thought I'd check out a lead." 

"I thought you looked federal. FBI?" 

Mulder grinned. "What gave me away?" 

"The suit, the haircut, the laptop, the cell phone." Blair listed them off. 

"I don't usually vacation like this, but, well, I got ordered my time off rather abruptly by my boss. Actually, he called while I was in the restaurant." 

"You must be a workaholic." 

"It doesn't feel like it, but I guess the year gets by me before I realize it." 

"You must like what you do. I'm the same way when I'm in the middle of a project." 

"What do you do?" 

"I'm an anthropologist." 

"Impressive. You look too young." 

Blair bowed. "I'll take that as a compliment." He didn't miss the searching glance Mulder gave him, smiling to himself. "It looks as though we're both in the same boat." 

"Oh?" 

"Time off and nowhere to go. I don't know where I'm going either. I just packed up and left." 

"At least you packed." 

"Don't tell me you only have suits with you?" 

Mulder laughed. "No. I did bring jeans and sweats - occupational hazard." He indicated the brochures Blair was still holding. "Is there anything interesting around here." 

Blair shook his head. "Not remotely. That is - 'remote' might be the biggest thing going around here. Unless you're interested heading to Seattle or Portland - " 

"Nope. I think I could probably do with a big dose of remote right now." 

"Then you're definitely in the right place." 

"Well, Blair Sandburg" he put out his hand "thanks and it was nice to meet you. I should probably let you go." 

Blair shook his hand. "It was nice to meet you, too. Good luck." 

* * *

He was on the road and driving another half hour before he realized that he wasn't thinking about Jim at all. He'd spent the day before crying and worrying over the situation, before he decided that he couldn't just stay there and pretend. If Jim needed some space, he would give him so much that he'd be sick of it. If he wanted to go back to the way they were before, well, they couldn't. But maybe, with a little time and some distance, they could be friends again. 

He sighed again, before shaking his head to get himself out of his funk. He'd had one-night stands before, he'd get over it. He was still in love with Jim, but what could he do? He wouldn't talk, he was avoiding him and the apartment. /So, give him space, and maybe he'll realize he's in love with you?/ 

Blair groaned. "I know he's in love with me. I saw it. I wasn't dreaming. But I am _not_ going through what had happened yesterday again, not for anything." 

If he had just come to him, just talked to him. /Tell me you're scared, tell me you want to take it slow, tell me anything./ But he had heard Jim come in, and heard him sigh - with relief - when he thought Blair was asleep. That was the final straw. 

Blair had gotten up as soon as he stopped hearing Jim tossing and turning upstairs. He grabbed his bags, threw in clothes, some books, and some camping gear. He had the car packed and was ready to go by four am. 

He liked driving. He remembered when he was little and Naomi used to let him steer. He knew how to drive by the time he was ten, and used to, too, sitting on a phone book, seat pulled up as close as he could get to the wheel. It had only been on dirt-road shortcuts, but still, he had loved it. He lied about being sixteen six months early to get his first driver's license. His birthday was still listed six months early on most of his i.d. 

He was passing into some tourist country now. Bed-and-breakfasts dotted the area, drawing in romantics, fishermen, frustrated anthropologists. He smiled as he pulled into one and saw a familiar truck. "Apparently they draw in federal agents, too." It was just after noon. He'd stop for lunch. /Yeah, that's it, lunch./ 

Agent Mulder smiled when he saw the young man pausing in the doorway of the dining room, looking around. There were plenty of available tables, but he caught Blair's eye and gestured him over. He rose and extended his hand. 

/Well, he's certainly polite,/ Blair thought, as he sat down. Aloud he said, "So, you found something interesting?" He closed his eyes and blushed slightly at his words. 

Mulder was grinning. "Actually, I did." This guy was definitely cute, and he blushed very easily. "The fishing is supposed to be pretty good around here." 

"You fish a lot?" 

"Not as a rule. I don't have much time for it. But, I used to go out with - " he paused, covering " - when I was younger." 

/With who?/ He nodded. "I'm lucky. I get out pretty regularly with my " lover "roommate." That pause was noticeable, too. 

They talked over lunch, which was very good. As they lingered over their dessert and coffee, Blair leaned forward. 

"I don't know about you, but I really don't want to talk about what I left behind right now. I want to be someone else for a little while." 

"Blair-with-no-past?" 

He nodded. "Exactly. And I get the feeling you feel the same way." 

"That's the way I usually feel." 

"Well, then. I don't think I'm misinterpreting what we're doing here. If I am - " 

"You're not." Mulder covered his hand for a second. "You're very attractive, Blair Sandburg." 

Blair smiled. "As are you, Agent Mulder." Mulder smiled as Blair carefully avoided using his hated first name. 

"So, your place or mine?" 

Blair grinned. "I don't have a place, yet. Let me check in, and I'll meet you at your place. What room?" 

"Six." 

Blair nodded, rising. "I'll see you in about half-an-hour." 

* * *

He checked in, getting room three, down the hall from Mulder's. The rooms were beautiful, spacious and self-contained. No communal bathrooms here, thank god. 

He stowed away his stuff, leaving most of it in the bags until later. He changed his clothes and used the washroom, washing his hands and face and running a damp hand through his curls to try to maintain some order. 

It had been a long time since he had picked someone up. Years since he had done it in the middle of the afternoon. And he didn't even know this guy. But, something about him felt - he shrugged to himself. It felt safe. Like he knew what he was doing, like he knew what he was getting in to. Like he knew it was one night, or two, and that was it. And that was okay. 

"He won't fall in love with me and run scared. He won't throw me out, or let me leave unhappy." /Not like Jim./ 

"So what if what I need is Jim, only Jim who acts not _like_ Jim?" /I can't get that. If I get Jim, I get the one who acts like him./ 

"And what if that's not enough?" 

/But you know already. It isn't./ 

He sighed, and walked out of his room. 

* * *

He answered the door, looking rumpled, holding one of his ever-present files. He looked even better with his glasses on than he had without. Blair smiled. 

"Hi. Hope I'm not too early?" 

Mulder looked him over. "No. Come in." 

They were kissing as soon as the door closed, no subterfuge, no small talk. Mulder dropped his file, and his glasses, on the couch, and took Blair's hand, leading him into the bedroom. 

"Are you sure you want this?" 

Blair nodded. "Yes. You?" 

Mulder answered by kissing him. He slid his hands through Blair's hair, then down his back, drawing him near. He leaned down to kiss him again, unbuttoning his shirt simultaneously. 

They undressed each other. The blinds were drawn in the bedroom, throwing it into half-light. The bed was huge - four-poster, canopied. They threw off the duvet and slid down onto the cool sheets. 

"What do you want?" 

"How about I tell you when you do something I don't want?" 

"I should have asked if you kissed. I'm sorry." 

"I kiss you." To demonstrate, Blair kissed him. "See?" 

"Have you done this a lot?" 

"Not lately. It's not very - safe. Sexually or otherwise." 

"No. Hell." 

"What?" 

"I don't have any condoms." 

Blair smiled. "I do." 

"Boy scout?" 

"In a previous life, maybe." They kissed again. "How about we stop talking now?" 

They stopped talking. 

* * *

"So who is he?" 

Blair turned his head. "Who?" 

"The guy you wish was here." 

"I could ask the same." 

Mulder nodded, sighing. "He defines the word 'impossible.' The whole situation is impossible." 

"What is he, a serial killer or something?" 

Mulder started laughing. 

"God, he _isn't_ a serial killer, is he?" 

"Not that I know of." 

Blair looked at him curiously. "Mine's a cop." 

"Even better. I'm in love with a criminal, you're in love with a cop. We should introduce them." 

Blair started laughing. "It would keep them in one place, anyway." 

"Uh-huh." He frowned. "Why are we talking about this again?" 

"Hey, you brought it up." 

"Oh, yeah." 

Blair turned on his side, cupping his cheek in one hand. "I think we needed this - the talking - as much as the sex." 

Mulder groaned. "I was afraid you were going to say that." 

"Hey - if you don't want to - " 

"No, it's not that. It's just the frustration of not talking to the person I should be talking to." He traced a hand down Blair's side. "I can make sense of this here - with you - and I can talk to myself, and other people, till I'm blue in the face. But, until I talk to him, nothing changes. Everything's the same, and I'm miserable." 

"So why don't you talk to him?" 

"I don't know where he is." Pause. "What's your excuse?" 

Blair thought a minute. "Damn." 

"Sorry." 

"It's not your fault. I was just, I don't know," he shrugged. "Hurt, I guess. I hate getting hurt." 

"Most people do. I used to think it was just the pain that we felt that let us know that we were still alive." 

"Whoa. I see major therapy in your life." 

Mulder laughed. "I don't think it would help." 

"Maybe not." He stretched. "Do you think you _could_ find him?" 

"He has a tendency to find me. He'll show up sooner or later." 

"Like a bad penny?" 

"If he's not dead." A shadow crossed Mulder's face. 

Blair reached for him. "Hey, I'm sorry. We don't have to talk about this." 

"It's what we're both thinking about." 

"Maybe we should stop talking altogether, then." 

* * *

They spent three days together, eating sleeping, talking, making love. Both of them knew that it could have made them happy, this little relationship, if they weren't both already in love. And that knowledge made them freer with each other than they could possibly have been in any other situation. 

The morning of the fourth day, Mulder got called on his cell phone again. It was his partner, calling him back to Washington to pick up a lead she had been working on. 

"You have to go." Blair was still tangled up in the sheets. 

Mulder nodded. "I wish I didn't. She never calls unless it's important, though." 

"Maybe I should go, too." 

"You've still got time to think. Or have you thought all that you want to?" 

"More." Blair got up out of the bed and slid into his jeans. "It's not going to change anything, thinking about it. I've got to go and talk to him. And if he wants to end it, well, at least I'll know." 

"Call me." 

Blair looked skeptical. 

"I want to know that you're okay. That's all." 

Blair nodded. "Okay. I'd like to know that you're all right, too. I'll give you my e-mail address. It's on my school account, no one will see it but me." 

"That's a good idea." Mulder wrote several phone numbers and an e-mail address on a piece of paper. Blair gave him his. "Do you want to share a shower?" 

"I'd better not. I'll go to my own room." He hugged Mulder. "Be well." 

"You, too. And, Blair - " Blair turned around in the doorway. "I hope it works for you. But if it doesn't, don't stop looking. You deserve to be happy." 

Blair smiled. "Yeah. Don't we all?" 

* * *

Blair checked out of the b &b, and took a scenic route back to Cascade. He stopped to eat a couple of times, and the drive took him most of the day. 

It was 8 pm when he pulled into his regular parking spot. The loft was dark when he walked in, lugging his bags from the hallway. 

"Where the hell have you been?" 

The voice came out of the dark, behind him. He whirled around, startled. "Jim, Jesus! You scared the hell out of me." 

"Where have you been?" Jim grabbed him. For a second, Blair was afraid, and he tensed, but Jim pulled him close. "I've been worried." He kissed him. 

"Whoa," Blair pulled away. Kisses like that always turned his brain to mush. "No. I'm not doing this again, Jim. I won't hide for you. I don't care how much I love you, it's not worth it. There hasn't been a closet built big enough for me." 

Jim smiled, then sobered. "I don't want to hide, either." 

"But you don't know what you're getting in to. I know that it scared you, and you ran, but it's not going to get any easier, not for a while. You're going to be worried that everyone will find out. The force, Simon, Caroline - they will find out, eventually." 

"I don't care. I can't. Chief - I was scared to death when you were gone. Scared that I'd pushed you away so far and so fast that I'd never find you again." Suddenly, a light came over his face. "You love me?" 

"Yes." Jim looked like a kid on Christmas. "That doesn't solve everything, though. I don't know if it solves anything. I loved you before, and it wasn't enough." 

"I love you too." Blair looked like he would collapse. Jim grabbed him again, more gently this time. "It's true. I know that I hurt you, and I don't know if you'll ever be able to forgive me for that. But I need you to try. Can _we_ try?" 

With one word Blair knew that his heart could be repaired. The same word might end up hurting him even more deeply. He could walk away right now, leave and get over it and try to find someone else. But where do you go to find another Blessed Protector? This one was a gift. 

"Yes." 

* * *

Across the country, in a small basement office in the Hoover building, a dark-haired man in glasses typed at a computer screen. He was so intent on his work that he didn't even notice the door opening. When he looked up, all he could do was gape at the leather-jacketed figure that stood before him. 

"Miss me?" Alex asked, smiling. 

The End  
MonaR. 


End file.
